I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
