There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
