my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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