worst night to have a conscience
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
