i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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