Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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