grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Someone shattered a urinal.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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