I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm like, not good at living.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
