weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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