Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
