I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
