i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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