I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
