I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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