...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
