I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
