dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
