i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
And then he peed in my hair
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