so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
