Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
BRING THE BAGELS
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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