If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
