worst night to have a conscience
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
