but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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