So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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