speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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