I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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