You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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