Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
