ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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