He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
pray to the hookup gods
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
