I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
