Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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