Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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