Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
