did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
