can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
