based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You may now shotgun with the bride
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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