i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
