hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
