i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
