guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Drake has all the answers
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
