I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
