I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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