you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
