Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
