The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
