Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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