Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
