Im at strip club and am horny
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
