I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
