On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
