No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
