i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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