haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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